Observations from the whoosh: things I've learned playing Rush Poker

It's been a few weeks now since Full Tilt released Rush poker into the ether. I've played several thousand hands North of too many. I figure it takes 10,000 hands to become an expert at poker. I'm there. Now, I'm the expert. Here's the view from my side of the LCD and what I've learned playing this ridonkulous game. I'm sharing them with you so that you too can bask in my greatness (my sarcasm font is in the shop, pretend it's not).

Beginning in 3, 2, 1...whooosh

• You almost always start in the big blind. You will almost always be raised from the middle position to the button. You will almost always have a decent starting hand or complete and utter crap. There's never a middle ground. If you 3 bet your crap, the dude will mostly either 4 bet or smooth call, if he smooth calls, you will hit the flop. All your chips will go into the middle, he'll draw to the nuts and you'll get stacked. If he 4 bets and you have AA or KK, your gonna get stacked by K T crubs. This is a lock.

Muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh- WTF - I've been in the blinds like the last 20 hands, geebus this is worse then the normal rake... muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh

• You have AA and raised from under the gun 3 bets will result in one of two outcomes: 1) it will be a walk and you'll collect the blinds (most common). 2) 7 of your closest friends will join the pot. The flop will come 842 rainbow. Blinds check, you raise pot. Folds to the BB who shoves. You call to find out that his 84 of crubs got there. You can't improve, there's only 2 aces in the deck and the other cards exist as only the cards of their rank. You end up stacked.

Whoosh! Next table...muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh- WTF - I've been in the blinds like the last 20 hands, geebus this is worse then the normal rake... muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh

• AA raised in middle position 3 bets. Almost always a walk, except when the BB calls. The flop comes 842 rainbow. Checks back to you, you raise pot. Folds to the BB who shoves. You call to find out that his 82o looks like the hand of god hitting the two pair. You don't improve, you end up stacked.

Whoosh! Next table...muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh- WTF - I've been in the blinds like the last 20 hands, geebus this is worse then the normal rake... muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh

• You are dealt KK. Fold them. They can't possibly win. You raise, you get 3 callers. Each has ace high until they hit the case ace on the flop. The board then hits a set and they chop with a boat. You end up stacked.

Whoosh! Next table...muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh- WTF - I've been in the blinds like the last 20 hands, geebus this is worse then the normal rake... muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh

• AA from the button. Almost always get called or 3 bet. When you get 3 bet, repop. You are guaranteed a shove and the dude with the suited KT will get there. You'll end up stacked. If you just got called, you might as well not continuation bet. He just flopped the god's immortal nuts and you are drawing dead. Never mind, you have aces...and you get stacked again.

Whoosh! Next table...muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh- WTF - I've been in the blinds like the last 20 hands, geebus this is worse then the normal rake... muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh

• Get friggin' sick and tired of always getting sacked by suited under cards, you get saucy and raise it up with J9s. You get called by the BB. Flop comes J93 rainbow. Cha-ching! You get it all in, BB shows aces. Turn a 9! River is an ace. 2 outers always hit. You get stacked...again.

Whoosh! I'm getting dizzy, how the hell do you get off this thing. Man, I'm tired I should go to bed, oh, but wait, those shiny Full Tilt Points...just a little more and I'll get my [insert something from the FTP store] - muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh- WTF - I've been in the blinds like the last 20 hands, geebus this is worse then the normal rake... muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh, muck, whoosh

Fuck it.